Being mindful means simply noting what is arising, and as best we can, just letting it be.

Mindfulness teaches us how to reduce stress and manage panic attacks, as well as how to be happier and calmer in the ups and downs of life. Sometimes we miss present delights or make our difficulties harder as we become consumed with thoughts about the past or future.

Mindfulness means we can notice our churning thoughts, and through letting go, find calm in the midst of life's challenges, and respond more effectively.  

---

How can I help my child?

 

---

Dysregulation VS Tantrum

You may have heard terms such as meltdown, shutdown, or emotional dysregulation used to describe the behaviour of children and young people.

Below explains what they are and how they differ from tantrums, as well as how to help prevent them from happening, and how to support the young people in your care when they do.

What do they all mean?

Dysregulation, or emotional dysregulation, refers to when a person is unable to regulate their own emotional response. They are overwhelmed and unable to manage or control their reaction, which may then be displayed as a meltdown, or as a shutdown. This feeling of overwhelm is often caused by high levels of anxiety, or by sensory overload. For this reason, emotional dysregulation is more commonly experienced by those with sensory processing differences, and those who have difficulty with anxiety. These are both more common in Autistic individuals, those with ADHD and other neurodivergence, as well as other special educational needs (SEN). In children and young people the resulting behaviour may be challenging for adults around them to manage, particularly if the cause is not understood, or if strategies are not in place to support them. 

A meltdown is one common response to this feeling of overwhelm or anxiety. If a person is unable to escape a situation (flight) then they may fight, or freeze. A meltdown is a fight response, which may look similar to a tantrum, or to a panic attack. A person experiencing a meltdown loses control of their behaviour, and may shout, scream or cry. They may also have a physical reaction such as kicking, lashing out or biting, which may be directed at themselves or at others. For this reason, meltdowns can sometimes be misinterpreted as ‘bad behaviour’ or tantrums. However whereas tantrums are focused on a specific goal (the child wants something that they can’t have), and are able to be controlled by the child (they may alter their behaviour depending on who is looking), a meltdown can occur at any age, is not dependent on the reactions of others, and is an instinctive reaction which cannot be controlled. Meltdowns may be slow to end, as this requires the feeling of anxiety or overwhelm to lessen.

What can I do?

The first step to preventing emotional dysregulation is understanding what the triggers are for that child or young person. When a meltdown or shutdown happens, record what the situation was, and what the cause of the distress may have been.

Take notice of:

• The sensory environment (sounds, lights, smells)
• The social environment (who was present, how familiar with those people is the child, what were the expectations in that situation)
• Any longer term worries that may be causing anxiety.

 It is important that schools and families communicate effectively to ensure that each are aware of events or situations that the child or young person may be anxious about.

Be aware that a child or young person in a meltdown may seem to be upset about one thing, but in fact have wider anxieties, for example a child who seems to have been triggered by lunch choices may in fact have become overwhelmed due to social anxieties around playtime, or the noisy environment of the dinner hall, with food choices becoming ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back’ and tipping them into dysregulation. 

Once you have an idea of what may trigger dysregulation, where possible make adjustments to avoid those situations. If sensory overwhelm seems to be causing the problem, try to reduce sensory input, such as adjusting noise levels. Provide sensory breaks and calm spaces for the child to use during these moments. 

Regulating emotions for all of us can be really tricky. At South Camberley, we use the Zones of Regulation. For more information on this, please visit our Zones of Regulation page on our website. 

 Co-Regulation

Co-regulation involves guiding and supporting your child in managing their emotions. 

Here are some ideas for effective co-regulation that you can do with your child:

• Model calmness: demonstrate calm behaviour through your own actions and body language
• Deep breathing together: practise slow, deep breaths as a way to calm down. You can use a breathing app, follow the lines of your fingers (up breathe in and down breathe out), use videos on youtube or simply count and breathe together
• Physical comfort: offer your child a hug, hold their hand or provide a comforting touch to help them feel secure. Deep pressure can often be very effective
• Create a 'calm down space': set up a designated area with calming items such as soft pillows, sensory toys or soothing lights
• Use soothing sounds: play soft music or nature sounds to create a relaxing environment
• Provide comforting objects: allow the child to hold or use a favourite toy or comfort item for reassurance
• Engage in gentle movement: participate in slow, rhythmic activities like rocking, swaying, rolling or walking together
• Sensory activities: provide sensory experiences like playing with a stress ball, using a weighted blanket or engaging with playdough
• Positive affirmations: use reassuring and encouraging words to affirm their feelings and abilities
• Routine and predictability: maintain a consistent routine where possible to provide a sense of stability and predictability
• Slow down and simplify: reduce the pace of activities and simplify tasks to help them to feel less overwhelmed
• Active listening: show that you are actively listening to their concerns without judgement, and validate their feelings
• Offer choices: provide simple choices to give them a sense of control and involvement in their calming process
• Engage in relaxing activities: participate in calming activities together, such as reading a book or engaging in a quiet hobby

These strategies can help foster a sense of safety and support, aiding your child's emotional regulation.